when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
