It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
