Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
