There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
