thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
