why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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