So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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