woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
