I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
