Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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