she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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