you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize