She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
