Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she peed on how many people?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
