why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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