K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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