Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
