Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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