I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
