I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She needs sedatives and a leash
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
