I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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