The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
