to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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