If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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