I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Randomize
