That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
