I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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