He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Barsexuality is the new black.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
