I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
