I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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