I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
