Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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