1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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