dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize