they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Holy sore nipples Batman
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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