If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize