Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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