**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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