I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
