I hope mine doesn't look like that
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
