Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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