im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
