I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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