Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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