apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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