My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
