She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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