Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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