I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
