his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
