How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
