Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
