You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
