I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
