hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
