A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The police scanner is talking about you again....
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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