my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
