How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All I want is dick and wine.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
