Is it normal to miss your booty call?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
