He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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