Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i love accidental penises.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
