im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
