I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
