Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
