Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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