i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
