I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
