Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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