there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
