i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
