Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize