I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
