So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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