As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
