Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
