so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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