I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
