When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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