The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
