a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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