oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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