Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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