i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
