My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
