I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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