well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Acid is not a monday night drug
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
