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He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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