I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize