Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
