Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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