You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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