So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize