you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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