CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
