he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
